Stagnant… Again

Today was so monotonous.

It happened again. I felt so, so bored and dry today in class. I’m not sure if it’s me, but it feels as if there wasn’t enough material in the class to take up 16 full weeks. I’m trying not to be negative, and I have definitely learned an absolute ton in this class. I guess I’m just the kind of guy who really likes to be moving and performing and doing, and I haven’t felt that a whole ton outside of the Poe piece performance and stuff like that. The IPA was a nice breakup, it wasn’t my favorite thing ever but it definitely did help create some variety and spice in the schedule. I think if this was a six week or ten week class we would have just been chock full of new, interesting things every time. I know that’s pretty unrealistic of an expectation, but I just wish that for how interesting and educational this class is at its best times, it would keep being like that throughout the semester. There are some ways that I feel like this could be remedied without shortening the class; for instance, the work that we’ve done with Poe and actually speaking the language has been amazing. More of that and less warm-ups would be amazing.

 I’m doing my best to get motivated, but it can be hard to feel like I’m making any progress or new discoveries, especially when we spend an entire class period on a vocal warm-up that I don’t understand and don’t feel connected with. I understand the importance of warming up and
connecting the body with the voice, but spending as much time as we have on it feels excessive. I don’t know, I guess I probably can’t criticize when I haven’t studied enough or tried to teach, and I’m really trying to have a positive mindset towards it, but it can be hard. I didn’t sleep well last night and I woke up this morning somewhat upset at the world. I was hopeful that voice and diction would bring some much needed enjoyment and connection to my day, and I was disappointed not to feel that today even close to as much as I have before. So maybe today was just a bad scheduling coincidence with all of my pent up angst colliding with a class period that revolved entirely around painstaking, frustratingly slow-paced work, work that probably needs to be done, but that I’m failing to see the importance of in the grand scheme of things. I’m at least 99% sure though that this will be one of those things that I’ll look back on in like ten years and wish that I had taken more seriously.

One of these days I’ll get over myself. I hate my inability to be patient and understand the need for the slow stuff, it hurts me in some way in pretty much every project I’m a part of. I need to get better. Oh well. On to next time I suppose. It’ll only get better from here.

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